You call that knife?

L'enfer, c'est les autres

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 22:20:59 GMT

The utter helplessness of it all. The desperation, the agonising feeling of knowing what your plight is coupled with the knowledge that you are unable to change a single part of it. L'enfer, c'est les autres? No. Hell is not other people. Not exclusively, at any rate. Individuals or groups of peoples may commit their own personal atrocities, may create their own little slices of Hell that impact on the lives of another…but this is not my idea of Hell. My idea of Hell revolves around one simple concept of torture. Mammals we are, and by and large sociable are mammals. We feel the need to draw together. In packs. Strength in numbers. But if there is strength in numbers, what lies in individuality? Weakness? If not weakness in the conventional sense, then at the very least something that can be exploited. I have been isolated almost fully for more than 24 hours. The onset of another wave of depression is almost all-encompassing now and I struggle to even find the will to get out of bed or to move from my self-imposed prison, the four walls that are far too close together but still seem to get closer with every passing day. This is my idea of Hell. The urge to be active, to make a positive step in life being trodden underfoot by the apathy that seems to have controlled my life. The same apathy that allows me to think chaining myself to these four walls forever more would be, if not desirable, then safe. Free of stress. The idea that no matter how many grand ideas I may have to change things for the better, that no matter how many times I think my life is back on track after the kicking it has received over the last five years…it amounts to nothing. That my ideas are just that, and my vision of happiness has been derailed and is hurtling towards a ditch. Hell is this. This, and the bewildering and frightening inability to fight it. My depression and self-loathing is complete and total to the point that I simply do not know how to deal with it or how to cope with it anymore. “God”, or whatever passing deity if such a thing exists, sees fit to only arm me with two things in my efforts to slay this; shiny little pills and the doctors who are far too eager to prescribe them. This dragon will not be conquered by throwing candy into its gaping mouth. Hell is being forced to revert to childhood, to being that lost little boy who has no idea where to turn, the only signposts in sight reading “Turn back and abandon all hope”. The bright lights of the street blinding you, always blinding you, before sinking away, the darkness complete and total. A lost little boy in the dark, frantically searching for the hand that will lead him home. Hell is watching that perfect girl slide away from you. Watching as her perfection becomes corroded, incomplete. Tarnished. No longer perfect, now hateful and full of venom. Venom turned on you. Venom you can’t avoid and which slowly poisons you, slowly seeps in through your pores and eats away at your being. The grim realisation that she never once saw you for you. All the grandiose deeds, everything…was never you. Never once. These…and other things…are forming the rich tapestry of my purgatory. A tapestry held together by the undercurrent of mistrust, of….of utter helplessness. I feel like I’m drifting away the world and there’s nothing I can hold on to. I don’t think I can do this anymore.

Defeated.

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 01:41:01 GMT

Consumed by regret. I have gained nothing.

" My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this - and I have, countless times in just about every act I have comitted - and coming fac-to-face with these truths, there is no catharsis. I gain no deeper knowledge about myself, , no new understanding can be extracted from my telling.

There has been no reason for me to tell you any of this. My confession has meant nothing..."

Ha.

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 15:30:35 GMT

This is totally spot on. I support this webcomic and wish to subscribe to its newsletter.

Bah Humbug!

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 23:55:12 GMT

...just kidding.

I had a huge rant saved here about Twilight (don't worry, it's C+P'd into word, I'm saving that baby for the 29th), but it's not the time for that.

Merry Xmas to all.

Inspired by Kathpup

Sat, 06 Dec 2008 18:16:59 GMT

Yes, Gogz saw kathpup's...insightful .jpg about why women tend to pick dickwads as opposed to nice guys, and it reminded me of this...

Faily accurate, if you ask me.

OMGosh.

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 00:18:25 GMT

So, on Saturday, I went to see Tim Minchin live.

This guy is hilarious, and I think I'm in love.

Do yourself a favour and check him out.

Also, cocks.

Take A Seat.

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 00:59:56 GMT

RARGH.

That's all. You're so not doing me any good, do you know that? I can't remember the last time I let someone fuck with my head this much.

Fuck this noise. You should have seen what I had restored from draft from last night. Coedine is a hell of a legal over-the-counter medication for an sXe pussy, I'll say that much.

Still...

Bring on the Trumpets!

I stole this from Little Giddy, because I am a meme klepto.

Sat, 01 Nov 2008 23:31:47 GMT

Opening Credits:
Hollow Man, Pts 1, 2 & 3 | Kula Shaker
This is setting the scene fairly well...

Waking Up:
Slither | Velvet Revolver
Appropriate title for how I grudgingly get out of bed, I guess.

First Day At School:
Can't Buy Me Love | The Beatles
...truth in advertising right there :p

Falling In Love:
Gimmie Shelter | Rolling Stones
Ahahaha, yes. iTunes wins. Wins wins wins.

Fight Song:
Crush em | Megadeth
Holy...fuck. iTunes, give me something irrelvant now plz

Breaking Up:
Broken Box | QotSA
Ahahaha, again. Niiiiice.

Prom:
Missing Link | The Hives
Hmmm. move along.

Life:
Coma | Guns n' Roses
Well...that's highly appropriate. Perhaps better suited to the below question, but I'll take it.

Mental Breakdown:
No One Knows | QotSA
...eh...somewhat appropriate...iTunes is diggin' Queens right now, which is great :D

Driving:
The Unforgiven III | Metallica
TRIPE, GARBAGE, ITUNES POISON...not the song, but the choice :(

Flashback:
Hallowed Be Thy Name | Iron Maiden
...nope, nothing I can think of here that's prompting a flashback

Getting back together:
Burn In My Light | Mercy Drive
Now that would be a fairly scary reconcilation.

Wedding:
Thriller | Michael Jackson
FUCK YEAH~!

Birth of Child:
Whiskey in the Jar | Metallica
...well, i'd be looking for something to drink, no doubt...

Final Battle:
Unprotected Sex With Multiple Parnters | Against Me!
Odd, that one. I was *so*praying for Beelzeboss (the final showdown) here...

Death Scene:
The Fake Sound of Progress | Lostprophets
Hmmm, something ironic this way comes.

Funeral Song:
The Passenger | Iggy Pop
Fits.

End Credits:
First it Giveth | QotSA
...then it taketh awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay...epic.

Well....

Sun, 12 Oct 2008 22:51:41 GMT

Haven't you heard?

There's a new Team in town...

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 22:38:56 GMT

Oooooh, I am in trouble now...

Whatever.

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 13:09:48 GMT

DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

http://bash.org/?414593

You know what? I'm sick of being fucking used.

An incredibly long and winding post.

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 23:19:12 GMT

Note: I'm extremely emotional tonight. I don't know why. Before you read this, if you're one of my close friends, I just want you to know that I love you more than I can possibly decribe in words. You know who you are. Thank you.

I don't really know how to put down exactly what I'm feeling right now. That's my greatest weakness, I guess; I have to hide behind a funny every time. I can never just, ya know, say what's on my mind. For someone like me who prides himself on being completely eloquent, you can only imagine the frustration that causes.

You know the gist of what to say, you might even have it there floating in your mind before you put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard), but as soon as you grab that pen or boot up that laptop, inspirado disappears as quickly as it came. Its even worse in person - I'm a desperately shy, occasionally articulate person that can only occasionally express exactly what's going on. Rules change if I know you well, or at least well enough to hold a conversation. Then I'm grand.

As already stated I'm not by nature the most confident person in the world. I have self-esteem issues. I'd love to be able to place the blame for this squarely on the (admitedly large) shoulders of my ex (see: emo posts a few months ago), but that's not strictly fair, is it? Surely she only brought out what was waiting inside? And I'm positive I wasn't this bad before I met her, however. Almost positive. To be honest...I can't remember much before. Anything before five years ago, I can't remember.

And that scares me a little.

So like any good, upstanding British citizen, I locked the barn doors after the animals had already escaped. Ya see, after spending four years of unviersity life a hermit, a recluse, a self-enforced social misfit, I finally, oh good lordy I finally decided to seek out help.

Take a bow, kathpup .

I owe you such an apology. You were one of the ones she didn't want me to be in contact with. I guess that I still did despite the abuse is a mark of just how much I love you, ya crazy bitch. But you...I don't know if you remember this, but I do. Slightly before last christmas. First time in a long time. Too long. But I'm digressing right now. You took one look at me and said "Gogz, you're miserable."

That's right. I was so far steeped in my own...self...so wrapped up in everything, uni work, pressure, depression, living with...her....I didn't even realise just how bad it was. I wasn't myself. You...you pushed me to make the move, the right move, you wonderful human being. And I can say this unembarrassed and mean every word, but quite simply put I love you.

But I'm getting away from the big picture, aren't I? The point of this rambling journal entry...what is the point of it? I'm not sure. I'm not even sure what's going to come out. This has been building up for a while now, so I'm letting the floodgates open, so to speak. I'd like to think there's more of a point than stroking Kath's already considerably sized ego, at any rate...

But again, I digress. That was the catalyst. From there, I actually stood up to her. She didn't like that. Not. One. Bit. We argued. More than usual. We really argued. Around January time, at the start of my last ever term of uni, I decided to seek the help I mentioned earlier. This is where I have to ask people reading this, people feeling slightly...or even more than slightly...less splendid than usual...get the help. Talk to the counciller. Even speaking your mind and letting someone else know exactly what's going on...it helps. It helps a lot. After the first hour, for the first time in a long time I was able to walk out not feeling like I had a vice in my chest. Do it.

The conversation started amiably enough - my defence was up to begin with, so everything was a joke, big fake smile...but then it dropped. And the floodgates opened (in verbal terms and my eyes).

See, Constant Reader...I should probably explain just what happened. I was in a four year relationship with a girl. It went bad. We lived together. I'm not saying I was a saint...but jeez. We tormented each other at the end. I touched on her "forbidding me" (not explicitly, but by geting catty when she never got her own way) from seeing some of my friends (As I can gather now, its because they're prettier and slimmer than she was and was jealous...hmmm...), from listening to music I liked, from even owning a tv. Yes, that's right, I never owned a TV for two years. She would have isolated me from my family, I'm sure, but thank god my mother and sister :) Oh yeah, and there was the whole no sex thing - get this. She didn't want sex until she was on the pill (nevermind we'd had sex before then...), but made no effort to go on it what-so-ever.

In short, Constant Reader, she was every mother's worst nightmare of evil harpy attempting to spirit their child away.

Now this poor counciler, she got all of this in one hour, then more the second hour. Gradually, my confidence rose. My character came back. My shoulders were less hunched. I could walk straight again.

...I'd left her a month later.

Now that sentence makes it sound so ridiculously easy. Much easier than it really was - lets be honest here, since I'm doing that a lot tonight. I'd regressed into an online world, staying up till 5, 6 in the morning just so I didn't have to share a bed with her. I had to get my stuff out of there in bits (I've only got a corsa, give me some credit). And yeah, she realised just how good I was. She tried to sleep with me a few times (jigglypuff seducing...not a nice sight...) and I'm ashamed to say I did on one occasion. Don't judge me too harshly - its easy now, months later, to separate her into some entity I don't give two shits about, but back then...well, there was something there. But I got everything I needed out. Cut all ties.

And I'm better. Much better. Except...she's wounded me. I've...I suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder, as I've described elsewhere, and I really struggle to connect with people. At all. Large groups? Forget about it.

...although I owe one girl who won't read this a lot, even though I've known her maybe 3 months at most. She has a story similar to mine, and just finding out there's someone out there who seems to be alright after being in the same situation...well, it gives me hope. The fact that she seems to have the same confidence-boosting properties that kathpup does (yes, KAth, you're my reverse kryptonite...) is a nice and fun bonus. The point of this paragraph is, I guess, is that even my S.A.D is healing.

And of course, there's another person I owe a lot too, who might read this. Two, actually, both in different countries. One is my best friend, and I love you. Not much to add other than if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here. Simple as. Get your arse back over here now, k? The other...you just need to get over here period. Or I'll come over there. Either or.

I'm beginning to ramble now; I was going to add some more stuff here, but I think that's going to be post number two. Just concerning my sexuality, really - this is already too long for one post.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Wow...

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 23:00:32 GMT

I'm actually alone now.

Um, wow.

I need a hug :(

Excusez mói...

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 00:20:51 GMT

...what colour does a smurf go when we choke it?

So...

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 00:01:18 GMT

Bit of a mixed week...

- hung out with Aib
- hung out with lucy
- found the joys of Civilisation REvolution on the DS..and indeed, am now getting paid to sit on my arse, occasionally take a bet and conquor the known world

But the bad news, my gran is in hopsital. Nothing too serious, I'm not even one hundred percent on what is happening, but tests (which required a horrible pre-med i've had before which is vile and leaves you ill...with a ginger and lemon "flavouring"...yeuch...) had to be cancelled after she was given too much of ANOTHER med and effectively conked out (the procedure can't be done in that state, apparently). So yeah, I'm a little worried. She'll be fine, but there's thatl ittle niggle in the back of your head that won't stfu like a good little boy.

Oh, and another thing whilst I'm here, this has been bugging me for some time and hey, it's 2am, it's the Gogz show so w/e...yeah, ladies. Please, please, please, please, PLEASE never use the following words in a sentence when addressing a guy "better", "friends" "off" and "as". It's insulting, degrading, and (most times~!) a flat out lie. Oh, "It's not me, it's you" is another. That's right out. Use the truth! "The thought of you naked turns my stomach" or the like!

(edit note: this isn't recent experience, just something that popped into my head after I allowed it to wander)

OH! And congrats to Andy Murray! I know a whole legion of fangirls are currently sobbing into their scarves after teh pretty crashed and burned, but come on! Get behind Muzza!

Slight life update

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 01:27:10 GMT

Since the last time? Nothing drastic has changed, really. There have been some minor things I'd like to cover in my typical 2am buzzed-out style

SLaughter is the best medicine...aka, lets put a smile on that face

This time last week, I was recovering from the absolute bliss-athon that was Russell Howard live. The man is a genius. There aren't many comedians that can use the good things in life to make you laugh. Invariably, most tend to focus on negative things, or try to put a negative spin on a lot of good things. Not so Russell. He seems to be honestly just so high on life (and terrified of pretty much anything, but that doesn't seem to bother him). It's contagious as well - I came out feelng really uplifted, and its a feeling that's stuck with me for over a week now. I may have to make seeing him a regular thing - I could be a stalker! Anyone want to join me, or am I donning the balaclava by myself?

Aib, I don't know if you'll read this, but I love you.

What Doesn't Kill You Only Makes You...Stranger

What else...oh, I've met a girl. Not like that, think with your brains. Without wanting to sound like the emo-Gogz of past months, when I speak of the...other times, I see a lot of glazed looks on faces. Not a lot of people understand what went on, or why I allowed it to go on; I've came to the conclusion that until you live it (and I hope no-one that reads this does), you can't really understand it or its effects. This person, this wonderful human being has, and its fantastic to have someone to actually say "Yeah, this happened", and not get the old raised eyebrow and "yuh...isn't that a nice top?".

I just re-read that and it makes me sound like a rape victim. Whoops *mad blush*

These Civilised People? They'll Eat Each Other...

How did this go without me noticing it? http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/olympics/taekwondo/7578743.stm
I do/did taekowndo. And this was made of so much win, its not right! The Cuban lamps the ref with teh almight FOOT UPPERCUT OF DOOM, then goes after a Judge...all the while, the Korean bloke is running around with a flag waving his arms like a numpty! The Bejing LOLympics were fantastic, right enough!

If You're Good At Something, Never Do It For Free

Now, anyone who knows me knows I hate pop, but there has been one song driving me batshit insane over the last few days. "Sweet as me", by some Aussie lass called Gabriella Cimli. Turns out, she's only 16. Fantastic voice, fantastic song, I'm just glad she IS 16, or else I'd possibly be getting asked to take a seat over there, right over there, just take a seat.

I'm Not A Monster, I'm Just Ahead Of The Curve

Which leads me, very nicely, to this little critter:

This, to those who do not know him, is Pedobear. Now normally I despise 4chan, but the .gifs and .jpgs of him have been making me gigle uncontrollably. What is a pedobear, I hear you ask? Simple. He is a bear, and a paedophile. A quick google image search should reveal just why I'm almost in tears of laughter sometimes. There is actually a photo out there of Hansen posing with Pedobear. Yes, Chris Hansen poses with him. This image actually contains enough win to burn your retinas and cause your brain to melt out of your ears.

Green Wing is making me very happy right now, as is my £2.99 Sonic Mega Collection for the PS2. God, so much win!

It's All...Part Of The Plan
What now for Gogz? Who's to say? To be brutally honest...I'm just starting to enjoy life again. In fact, scratch that, I'm just starting to live again (he says at half two in the morning, sitting on his laptop writing a blog). I've never been much of a planner, so I'm just rolling with it...

Oh, if you see a gorgeous five foot seven girl with green eyes, tell her I'm looking for her. She might not exist, but I've got my bases covered this way...

Lol...livejournal cut does not like you pissing about with colours...

Gogz is feeling froggy.

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 16:08:49 GMT

So he's going to jump. Kinda. Metaphorically. Here's the premise: as some of you may or may not know, I was explicitly forbidden from having a TV for roughly two years. I know, I know, to some people that's effectively a death sentence, but bear with me. The main problem of this, for me at least, was the separation from my consoles. Now the SNES and N64 was fine, as I have those backed up on my laptop anyway. Not ideal, but still, passable. The PSX problem was easily solved with a programme called "ePSXe", effectively a PSX emulator for the PC - can has playstation on laptop!

PS2, however, was another kettle of fish entirely.

Such programs to run PS2 games on PCs exist, but you need MONSTER PCs to do it. I have a laptop. A good laptop, yes, but a laptop nonethless. So PS2 was a no-go, separating me from Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Tony Hawk and all my other favourites. Bugger.

Fast forward two years to August 2008. I'm now in fantastic living conditions, and not only have a PS2, but also a gamecube and Wii, and i'm looking to add an XBox 360 to that list in the not so distant future. So what is the point of this post, other than to induce pity?

I'll tell ya - 4 games for £10/£20 etc bundles at gamestation. What this means, dear reader, is that I am now able to catch up on two years (actually make it three, since I couldn't afford to buy any games in the year before) worth of games for bargin prices. SO...I'm aiming mainly for games I know have a huge reputation, and I'm going to rate or hate them here. And here we...go.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Chaos Bleeds
I don't really know how to describe just how wonderful this game is...the voice acting is spot on. Playing this game actually makes me a little sad that Buffy is no longer in circulation, it's that good. The whole game plays exactly like a Buffy episode, with its own stand-alone plot...if I had to guess, I'd place it between seasons five and six. The premise is that alternate realities are breaking through (though I've yet to find Vampire Willow :(), and of course as the slayer, you must stop them. Naturally, you do not just play as Buffy...there's Xander, Willow, Spike and Faith. Oh, and Sid. Yes, Sid. The puppet. Also, the ingenious boss fight of Xander against alternate Anya by using her biggest fear against her is possibly the most amount of win I've ever seen since Chris Hansen posed with a Pedobear picture.

The gameplay is just right...I'm not overly great at 3D action type games, sticking mainly to 2D platformers or RPGs, but this has just the right learning curve for someone like me (although no doubt someone reared on these types of games will find it ridiculously easy).

Graphics...pretty much what you'd expect.

Overall, I'd give this a solid 8.5/10. Must play if you love Buffy.

Devil May Cry
Now I have to confess, I'd played this before briefly years ago (2002, possibly), and could not get into it. I'm not even sure if I got past the first door. But, here I am in 2008 playing this and loving every second of it. Is it difficult? Oh my god yes it is. But as difficult as it is, its just as enjoyable. First off, the marionettes are...creepy. Easy enough on their own, but when about ten of them gather round you with the blades clicking? It's one of those shout at the screen type deals. And when a game can do that to you without causing you to get angry or want to turn it off, something is insanely right about it.

Story...eh, I'll admit I don't really pay attention. Some bint attacked the protagonist, suddenly they're friends, now he's in a castle and can't get out. Oh, and puppets keep coming to life and attacking him. There's probably more, but I'm not really too bothered about it. Graphics and cutscenes look a little blocky, but it's seven years old, so what do you expect?

I like the style-o-meter. I like the whole combat system. I especially like blowing a single marionette away with a shotgun, oh yes I do. I guess i'd have to give this 8/10. So far, so good, two games of the four are epic.

Marvel Ultimate Alliance
The first thing this game screams at you is FUN! Anyone who knows me is probably well aware how I feel about Marvel, but godamnit they can make some decent games with their characters. A game where your team can compose of Spiderman, Wolverine, Iron Man and DEADPOOL, fucking DEADPOOL in the first instance is...win. So much win.

The game play is a little...strange to get used to. It plays a bit like a side-scroller, or at least the controls do, but without the side-scrolling. Hmmm. Enjoyable. Very enjoyable. Again, the story is typical heroes must save the world fair, but who cares? People don't play games for the story (Except Final Fantasy, so put your hand down). Or at least I don't. Mindless violence excecuted upon hired goons is epic, epic, epic.

Graphics fit the game perfectly. Cartoony, but without being too overboard, i.e. with a clever sense of realism where needed. Overall? Another 8/10. Hopefully the game gets harder, or else it won't be getting played quite so much, but it's being fantastic so far :)

Kingdom Hearts II
And like an old sweater that gets more comfotable with time, we come to the sequel of the game I call the best ever. Yes, folks, this HAD to deliver. And it did...in a way.

The thing you have to understand about Namura is he has a...template. He makes epic game. He then makes sequel to epic game, but decides to throw in a much more convulted plot, more characters than are needed, and to add chains and zips to the character's clothing (because zips and chains = cool). Kingdom Hearts II, of course, is no exception. Even looking at the front cover confirms this. So it was with bated breath that I popped this into the PS2. Would my illusions be shattered?

The answer to that question, unfortuantely, was yes...for the first hour or so. For some reason, you take control of a punk called RoXas (which is an anagram of Sora, with an X thrown in). He's basically Sora minus keyblade. The point of this, I'm not entirely sure of - Roxas was...a part of of Sora, or something. It still confuses me. However, once Sora and Goofy appear...yeah, you know this is going to be a good time.

The gameplay, thankfully, is largely untouched. There's a Drive feature, which is kind of like a Devil Trigger for Disney. It works, and makes the game ridiculously easy in parts. One part of play that was altered which I was all for was the gummi ship sequence. Gone are the boring, samey levels, in come rail-shooter style journeys from world to world. Much more enjoyable.

So, how does it compare to Kingdom Hearts I? Well, Kingdom Hearts I is a solid 10/10 for me. No question. Kingdom Hearts II, I'm afraid, I have to award an 8.5/10 based on the Namura-ised aspects of it. However, 8.5 is still a fantastic game, which should be played by anyone who loved the first one (or indeed likes Disney or Final Fantasy :p). Oh, and perhaps the best part of the game? You get to beat the crap out of Vivi from FFIX. Oh yeah. All is forgiven, Namura :D

So, that's my two pennies on those four games. I've still got a lot to review, however. Purchased over the last few months: Colin McRae Rally 04; Sonic Mega Collection; Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic; World of Warcraft; Mario Galaxy; Mario Kart Wii; Super Smash Bros; The Smackdown Versus Raw series; Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty; Pokemon Colleseum; Quake 4; Mario Kart Double Dash; Super Mario Sunshine and a lot more :p

I'm considering doing this for TV shows I missed as well (Green Wing, Black Books, Heroes etc etc etc), so I don't know. Feedback por favour?

Agagagagag!

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 20:34:01 GMT

I have never agagag'd so much at Russell Howard. Words. I have none.

But wtf, too old for the fringe? TOO OLD? YOU'RE ONLY SEVEN YEARS OLDER THAN ME, YA SPONGE!

*flail*

Bow to Nadal.

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 20:01:03 GMT

...and other fun time shenanigans.

Rafa ftw. Missed the Olympic final, but it was a formality anyway, amirite? Commence the marking the fuck out-age.

Second. I am now the proud owner of two 15 inch by 15 inch "box prints", one of the Joker and the other of Iron Man. This is why people like me should not be allowed money. On a similar note, walking around Edinburgh whilst wearing a Joker t-shirt (especially during the fringe) is fun times. The conversations are deadly, especially when I produce my Joker playing card (yes, i carry several with me. Do not judge). Expect pics of the prints soon :)

Thirdly, thanks for the yo-yo. You know who you are. Without you, it's just a Yo :(

Fourthly, Russell Howard in seven days time - how moar epic?! None moar epic.

Fifth and finally, I am indebted to Kath Pup for showing me the delights of the Mussell Inn, in more ways than one. Hopefully all will become clear next week :)

Things I'm loving right now:
Prestige (book) - just got round to reading this, halway through, loving it. Movie is going on as soon as I finish it.
Guitar Hero DS - yeah, my hand cramps if I play more than two songs, but its still epic.
FF IV - 'nuff said.
The fact that I've had a kindred spirit living five minutes from me for years and never knew about it till last week :-|

Things I'm hating right now:
Working more times than not.
That bastard. He's so decent I hate him I hate him I hate him.
RBS.

Segment...

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 00:57:42 GMT

Alright, I wrote this last week someime after watching the Dark Knight for the third time and being told I "needed to write something funny for the Wrestlemania type show". So after one suggestion by a lovely lady called Kar (namely the tear-age at the very end), the rest wrote itself. Click if you're interested in seeing how I...create.

Tripe, no? But it was fun tripe to write, and a departure for my standard fare of hurting women because I can. If this gets a decent reaction I may post more of my parodies. Idk. Just tell me how bad it is.

Open to Dolly Madison’s office, some days before the Immortals extravaganza has kicked off. Dolly is in, as is the young man aiming to become Mister Money in the Bank, Colossus. In his hand is a bag containing what we must assume are garments of some time.

Dolly: Col (can I call you Col?), listen baby, it’s all about business. I’m a businesswoman. I look at what we have, and at what other people have, and see if we can make some money out of it. Right now, you are without a shadow of a doubt THE hottest thing we have in BQWA right now. And this is THE hottest thing in Hollywood right now. With us Immortals being in California, it makes sense to combine them!

Colossus rolls his eyes.

Colossus: Spare me the ass kissing. Fine, I’ll wear it, I’ll do your little promotional thing, just promise me one thing.

Dolly smiles wide.

Dolly: Anything.

Colossus: NEVER ask me to do anything like this again, because the moment you do I’m going to take your costume and ram it down your throat!

Dolly can only raise an eyebrow as the young man storms out of the office clutching the bag carrying the offensive clothing.

Much later…

We’re on what appears to be a film set. What can be made out appears to be some sort of police cell, covered in darkness, hiding anything in there. We see a trailer, and a stagehand knocking on the door.

Stagehand: Colossus? Sir? We’re ready to start filming…

Colossus: Forget it! I’m not coming out, I look ridiculous! It’s cancelled!

Stagehand: Please, sir? We’ve got everything set to go…

Colossus: Alright, alright…but don’t you dare laugh, or I’ll wrap a triangle choke on your scrawny little body!

The door swings open, and out steps Colossus…

…or more specifically, Bat-Colossus.

Colossus: Kid, I see you holding back a chortle. It better be held back, because if a sound even resembling a giggle escapes your lips, you’ll be eating liquids for a month, comprendé?

The reason for the mirth is obvious. Dolly has sanctioned Colossus into wearing a replica costume of Batman from the summer blockbuster “The Dark Knight”. A rather ill-fitting Batman costume that does not quite cover the gigantic frame of Colossus, with the top armour section riding up somewhat. His look is murderous.

Colossus: Let’s get this over and done with, Chuckles. Where’s the script?

Chuckles: No script, sir. You’re co-starring with…well…

Colossus: Spit it out, Chuck.

Chuckles: …you’ll find out. Look, just get in the cell and wait for the lights to come on. Improvise. You do that all the time, right? Great!

The stagehand walks off, leaving Colossus to stare after him, shaking his head in disbelief and muttering to himself. He reluctantly takes up position inside the cell, which is promptly locked behind him, much to his chagrin. Pulling up the leg portion of the bat suit as he goes, he waits for the lights to come on…which they do. Colossus eyes widen in shock.

Colossus: What..the…

His surprise is caused, apparently, by a figure sitting at a table inside the cell with him. The other man’s head is turned away, and Colossus carefully approaches, the camera following his movements. When he reaches his target, the other man’s head slowly swings round…

????: Evenin’…Colossus….

The man smacks his lips, and it becomes apparent that it is in fact Gogz…albeit heavily covered in white make up, with a bad green wig covering his light hair. He’s wearing a purple suit jacket and matching green waistcoat…and yes, a purple kilt. That’s kilt, not skirt. Colossus looks mortified.

Colossus: …Gogz?

Gogz: Gogz? Ha! Ha. Ha! Haaaaaa! HA HA HA HA HA HA! No…not Gogz. Call me…Gogzer…

Colossus: Christ, you’ve lost your mind, or drowned it in booze. That’s not even the right film, you fool!

Gogz’s dream-like ethereal gaze drops for a second as he thinks.

Gogz: Aw…neither it is…eh…well..eh…WHY SAE SERIOUS!?

Colossus rolls his eyes (a recurring theme in this sketch), but seems resigned…and once again, pulls down the top half of his costume as it rises up his body.

Colossus: So…uh…Gogzer, what do you want?

Gogz(er?): I want tae talk tae ye about yer morals, an’ yer rules…see, ye’ve put yersel’ on a pedestal wi’ yer views. Respectin’ wimen. General goody-twa’ shoes-ness. I cannae stand it…so ah need tae show ye, that tae them, yer jus’ a freak…like me

Colossus: Right movie this time, I guess…but go on then, oh master of Anarchy…

Gogzer: Ah’ve taken twa people ye care aboot…an’ placed them oot o’ reach…

Colossus looks stunned, and becomes serious. And you’re about to find out why this is so.

Colossus: Gogz…remember what happened when the last guy took the Joker part too seriously?

Gogzer: Ah’ve nae idea whit yer talkin’ aboot…anyway, ah’ve hidden Andy Chills at 4/7 Central Street…

Suddenly, Andy pops into shot. Wearing a Robin costume. Tights, green pants and all.

Andy: Hello!

Gogz sighs.

Gogzer: …fuck. Andy, piss aff, Robin isnae even in this film!

There’s a touch of petulance in Andy’s voice as he sulks away

Andy: Can be Robin if I want to be. Don’t see why he gets to be in it. Not like he’s done anything. Stupid Scot…

Colossus smirks and slaps Gogz’s face, bringing his attention back to him.

Colossus: Hey, Ronald McDonald, you said there was two, who’s the second?

Gogz smirks this time.

Gogzer: You can slap me aw ye want, BatColossus…it winnie bring back yer blushin’ bride tae be…

Colossus goes chalk white.

Colossus: Lucy? Lucy? You bastard, what have you done with her?

Gogz looks confused.

Gogzer: Lucy? Lucy? Nah, I mean Ta...Rachel. Aye. Rachel.

Colossus relaxes, which is seen quite visibly.

Colossus: Ah, ok, so where’s Tara?

This causes the facepainted Gogz to frown.

Gogzer: Rachel. Her name is Rachel. And she’s at Avenue X at Cicero…

Tara: Hello!

Much like Andy before her, Tara has walked on set, looking fantastic as ever.

Gogzer: AW GODDAMNIT TAE FUCK!

Colossus: Uh…I thought this kidnapping game was your speciality, Gogzy…

Goger: So did ah…Molly and Harmony must jus’ be a lot thicker…

Visibly fed up now, Colossus looks around his surroundings.

Colossus: You know, I think I’m about done here. Hostages rescued, bad guy in handcuffs…my work here is done.

Gogzer: NAW! DINNAE LEAVE! YE COMPLETE ME! YE MAKE THIS FUN!

Colossus: …you need help. Serious help.

Gogzer: Aye, true that. Fancy givin’ me a helpin’ hand, Tara? Ah ken where ah kid use a hand, like…

Tara looks like she’s going to be visibly sick. With that, Colossus turns away, shaking his head and walks away, but not before once more hitching up his bat-pants…causing an almighty tear to be heard. Whilst we can’t see what happened, we do hear Tara mutter to herself…

Tara: Pink love hearts? I never would have guessed…

Suddenly, Halo appears~!

Halo: I didn’t just see that…tell me I did NOT just see THAT!

Fade back to reality

Stolen Meme

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 21:12:13 GMT

I ninja'd this from kathpup.

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

This should be quite, quite amusing.

1.) Are you a male or female?

Man Research (clapper) - Gorillaz

2.) Describe yourself:

Duchess - The Stranglers

3.) How do you feel about yourself?

Six Shooter - Queens of the Stone Age

4.) Describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriend

Going Under - Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

5.) Describe your current location:

Coma - Guns n' Roses

6.) Describe what you want to be:

Guns Don't Kill People, Rappers Do - Goldie Lookin' Chain

7) Describe your best friend:

You know You're Right - Nirvana

8.) Your favorite color is:

My Lovely Man - Red Hot Chilli Peppers

9.) You know that:

Penny Lane - the Beatles

10.) What is the weather like?

Stage - Live

11.) If your life was a TV show, what would you name it?

BYOB - System of a Down

12.) What did you do today?

Go with the Flow - Queens of the Stone Age

13.) What is the best advice you have to give?

I hope you Die - Bloodhound Gang

14.) Describe your love life:

Let's Go To Bed - The Cure

15.) How are you going to die?

A little more for you - The Hives

16.) If you could change your name, what would you change it to?

Castles Made of Sand - Jimi Hendrix

17.) What do your friends think of you?

When I Come Around - Greenday

18.) What is your funeral song going to be?

Come Alive - Foo Fighters

19.) What are you going to repost this as?

Rezillos - Top of the Pops

What a strange, strange assemblage of music...

Why I don't want children (the male perspective)

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 22:50:34 GMT

After reading kathpup's list of reasons she does not want to infect her womb with the lingering sexually transmitted disease that the soft-hearts refer to as "children", I was compelled to write this for a number of reasons. After all, what's in it for the male of the species to lose? He doesn't have to be the size of a beached whale for 9 months. He doesn't have to, aha, force something through an "opening the size of a grape". What do I stand to lose? Quite a lot, actually...so read on and disocover why I always wrap the super stick and support abortions as a form of contraception...

1) Alimony. Call me greedy, but my money is just that - mine, mine, all mine, bang bang~! Should a woman be given money because she allowed her wildfire-like womb to be doused by the seed of a man? That's a question I'm not touching with a ten foot barge pole.

2) One major reason I'm not having kids in the foreseeable future? I'm informed you need to like, have sex (like, with a woman and everything! Being naked at the same time as well! Cor!) to make a child. So that's me right out.

3) Have you seen the girls I've dated? They're psychotic. Can you imagine another one of them running about? It doesn't bear thinking about.

4) I hate children. I mean, I really hate them. I'd happily murder them in their sleep.

5) kathpup brought up the over-population issue. Its hard to argue against that. I would also add that there's enough British and Americans in the world at any point in time, and adding to that mass is borderline evil.

6) With kids, marriage is expected to follow. Saying that word produces a giant Gogz-shaped hole in the wall. Do you know how much that would cost to repair? Don't do it, folks. It's not worth it.

Note: I full support the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement.

Hahahaha...

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 09:35:06 GMT

Why do I attract stalkers?

And why do they always assume I'm in your pants, kathpup?

Boggles the mind, so it does.

Unprotected Sex with Multiple partners.

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 18:23:15 GMT

Apparently two months does not a well Gogz make. Back to the doctors where no doubt they'll give me some shiny pills! Hurray!

I have done noting this month. Well, not strictly true. I got involved with someone I shouldn't have (nothing against her, she was lovely, but I'm....bleurgh), ended it badly, repaired the link and then spent a lot of money on dvd's. Well...whores will have their trinkets...

I've also been writing a hell of a lot recently. A hell of a lot. I'm swithering on whether or not to post it here because a) No one will read it and b) I'm not 100% convinced of it's splendidness. Pah.

Speaking of which, I'm going to go write...and watch my new boxset of Heroes. HMV giftcard, how I love thee.

A hypocrite I am

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 23:28:20 GMT

"You're playing World of Warcraft? FAG!"

"Warcraft? How's your mum's basement looking?"

"Lol you play WoW. I hope cancer enthralls your body."

All of these phrases, and many more, have left my lips at one point or another. Go ahead, put this in context: I wasn't juat indifferent to World of Warcraft, I hated it with a firey, burning passion. Playing it wasn't just giving me carte blance to ridicule you; it was an invitation for me to set fire to your house.

...until Monday.

Yes, I admit it. I admit it. I sucumbed. I gave in. I quit. I cried uncle. I bought a copy, I downloaded the patches, I created my own undead warlock and human paladin. Yes, like a rash this game has infcted me, is crawling over my mind, and I still hate it...yet I love it. I feel like the addict who swore he'd never touch heroin in his life. The computer is my needle, the programme my fix. A trip to the Priory beckons, I fear.

In other news:
- Rafa is an absolute beast.
- Super Smash Brothers and Mario Galaxy. If you own a Wii, but do not own these games, you're doing yourself a dis-service. Go buy them, this instant.
- I fully intend on watching Heroes this week. Swurz.